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World Humor Crisis Declared

A STRAIGHT FROM THE L.I.P.S. REPORT

“WORLD HUMOR CRISIS DECLARED!”

“Scientists agree…humanity’s greatest natural resource is drying up, shortage anticipated.”

“Bad laughing habits, media gag guzzlers and wasteful wit blamed for satiric shortfall.”

If the above headlines look all too familiar to you, you’ve probably grown as weary as we have about the alleged  “Comedy Crisis”. Look, no matter how long or how hard we laugh…no matter how much foreign humor we import…we won’t run out.

And don’t let the media fool you. The Multinational American Gag (MAG) companies (controlled by the Entertainment Oligarchs that run radio, TV and the Web) do not control all the humor we hear. Enterprising, yet ordinary citizens throughout the world are using the sizzling social networks to find new sources, channels  and applications for humor every day.

But does anyone tell you that? Of course not. That’s because the MAGs have a stranglehold on all channels of humor distribution, regardless of its original source. They want you to think that supplies are limited and going fast.

But you can still get choice, high-octane humor from the occasional web page, magazine or book, even if these sources are owned (but not very well controlled) by the same gag-grabbing Multinationals . While much of your global satire is being spoon-fed by the giant London-New York-Hollywood-Hong Kong network, there are pockets of bounty to be found outside the Comedy Cartel.

Thus, in order to give you a passing glance at today’s state of laughter (for who’sgot time for more?), LIPS presents the following special report.

Humor – a renewable resource or a diminishing return?

HUMOR – WHAT IT IS

In its crudest form, humor varies greatly in color, weight and consistency the world over. Humor can range from a crystalline fluid clarity to a murky, maudlin black.

Humans have used humor since they have known they were human. Its true value was not recognized until the punch line was discovered by an obscure tribe that was largely unknown to the Ancient Sumerians.

THE USES OF HUMOR

Humor is perhaps the most universal resource of all. It can be applied to any human endeavor and throughout recorded history it has been liberally used to lubricate the wheels of industry, business, government and religion. Although 95% of all human humor is recreational, it has frequently been used to topple governments, build monuments, defeat enemies and talk to dolphins.

According to a largely discredited report clandestinely distributed by the World Health Organization, every person should consume at least 4 solid hours of humor every day. This could include office jokes, rush-hour happy talk, web pop ups, comic books, e-magazines, editorial pages, television, political parties or organized religion. Twittering to one’s self (not just online) is encouraged.

WHERE HUMOR IS FOUND

Humor is found in every language in almost every country on every continent in the world. However, there are some pockets of humanity that totally lack humor. Here’s a partial list:

Recorded places on Earth that lack humor:*

  • A valley near the Hindu Kush
  • A city not unlike Hammond, Indiana
  • The Falkland Islands
  • Anywhere near Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
  • Several bathrooms in the Kremlin
  • The coast of New England
  • Komodo Island
  • Vast portions of Latvia

(*As of the end of 2nd Quarter, 2010)

HOW HUMOR IS FORMED

The origins of humor are still subject to a major debate between the Creationists and the Big Yuk Theorists. Fundamentalist Creationists claim that God is responsible for all the laughs on earth from the beginning of time until now. Big Yuk Theorists claim that today’s laughter is just the remains of a huge Cosmic Joke told billions of years ago. According to the Yukkists, all laughter will eventually disperse into limitless space, only to come to life again billions of years from now when a new Cosmic Joke explodes into the universe.

IS HUMOR HARMFUL?

Given that just about anything a human being is capable of doing can eventually become harmful, yes. Humor, like an AK-47, can be exploited to make a rhetorical point. Humor can mislead, obscure, divert and disturb, and if ingested in excess quantities, can have a disorienting effect on one’s ability to handle small machinery and large concepts.

HUMOR TERMS DEFINED

BARREL – a standard unit used to measure concentrated hilarity, as in “a barrel of monkeys”.

DRY HOLE – an empty comedy club

PRIMARY RECOVERY – a standard comeback used to silence obnoxious hecklers

ENHANCED RECOVERY – a real zinger, spontaneously formed as a response to difficult conditions.

CRUDE – how humorless people perceive your humor

RIG – what television studios do to the laugh track on situation comedies

RESERVOIR – an accumulation of humor beneath the surface of average understanding

BITUMINOUS SANDS – a popular comedy club in Alberta, Canada

WHY HUMOR IS IMPORTANT

Someone named William James said that common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds.  Does this make any sense to you?

HUMOR’S DEEPEST TRUTH

Just kidding.

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